Tag: help

A Desperate Cry For Help

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Asking for help is the scariest thing I have ever done.

At this point (the point where you have to ask for help because you’re between a rock and hard place) you go back to sixth grade in your mind and wonder if you had just studied a little harder for that spelling bee and gone to nationals, would your life be that much different?

I love my family. They’re my people and I couldn’t have hand picked a better group. But I still wonder at 2am if I’m really the best person for them. If my husband had found a better second wife would he be happier? Was he just blinded by depression and the grief of losing his first wife and now he’s stuck with me forever and this is all my fault?

Did I fail my family? Should I have told my husband he should stay depressed and not change to a blue collar job that makes him happy? Should I have crushed his dreams to stay in a house made of brick and cement? Is a house more important than a man’s self worth?

I don’t think so, but then I put up a cry for help online and you don’t know from there, do you? You cry and you throw up and you want people to love you enough to give a dollar, you hope they can spare more but you don’t know what someone’s life is like beyond the screen no matter how many nice pictures they post. You do the mental math of if this many people or that many people  just gave one dollar how you would be able to stop being scared all the time. You could stop waking up in the middle of the night screaming because you had another nightmare where your children starved to death. You could feel safe for the first time in so long.

If I have ever helped you, listened to you, or made you laugh, please help me. Even when I’ve only had a few dollars I have almost always been able to donate a dollar to a friend or stranger in need. I give a dollar because everyone would rather have one dollar toward their need than no dollars. I do not judge a dollar. A dollar is an Internet hug from far away saying, “Hey girl, I feel your pain. You are not alone.”

This is a one-time 30 day fundraising campaign. I don’t think I could go through the stress of this again. I’m riddled with doubt and I’m sure everyone hates me (I am also sure that everyone does not hate me and know I’m overreacting but going back and forth between the dark feelings and the logic is exhausting.)

The donation button will be removed at the end of the campaign and I will either cry tears of joy and thanks or I will slink back to my corner of the Internet to lick my wounds and rebuild my heart.

[Edited to add: Tears of joy happened multiple times during the course of the fundraiser and it was absolutely a success.]

 

What Should I Spend The Money On?

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When you have some money but not enough to make a dent you end up, well, where I am right now.

The car payment is paid, next weeks check will be short two days from Mr. Brickie not working Monday/Tuesday, and I have $444.00 after the car payment is paid.

$160 has to go for gas and living expenses.

$40 has to go toward the credit card for tolls.

That leaves me $244 (I know, not a King’s Ransom or anything) and I don’t know where I should put it.

I could pay off a credit card or two.

I could put it into savings.

I could put it all toward the big credit card (we had paid this down a lot but the balance went back up when the six month auto insurance payment went through).

$16.13 is the Target payoff balance.

$56.98 is the Macy’s payoff balance.

If I pay off those two cards then I would be left with $170.89

I could put that all toward the big credit card or I could put part of it into savings and part of it toward the big credit card, leaving me a mini emergency fund.

What do you think?

How should I allocate my small but important pile of dollars?

Need a cheat sheet for the credit card balances to help you decide? No problem!

Walmart $584.63
Amazon $533.00
Capone $1,128.70
Kohls $157.97
Old Navy $150.35
Macys $56.98
Target $16.13

If you want to keep up with the dramatic work changes as they happen, make sure to click that link to the right and “Like” the jennydecki page on Facebook. Sometimes things just aren’t long enough for a whole post and when they aren’t, I put them over there.

To see how we spent this week’s flexible cash, click here!

What to do If You Can’t Pay Your Credit Cards: Credit Card Hardship Programs

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I could not stop thinking about that woman telling Mr. Brickie to stop paying the credit cards.

So I turned to Google to see if her advice holds water. I was surprised to find that not only are credit card hardship programs an actual thing, they can be really helpful for people depending on the circumstances.

Personal Anecdotes

Over on Daily Finance the article includes personal stories showing how using these programs worked out in the long-term. Ultimately, the article comes down squarely on the fence. They work for some people, they work better for others, and you have to know what you’re getting into to really benefit from the program.

There is also the story of a woman for whom the program did not work. She had to lie to get into the program in the first place because you have to meet an income requirement. We had this happen with our mortgage conversations as well. Since we are making almost nothing right now because it’s the first winter, it’s difficult to prove we can pay a mortgage payment.

I get where they are coming from but I’m not going to lie about my income because if we lie and they give us a payment we can’t afford, how does that help anything? At least right now we aren’t making payments, things are working behind the scenes, and we know there are two possible endings to this story. Add in falsifying records and who knows what that could invalidate down the road? I’m not willing to risk it.

Who it Works For

From what I can tell, it works best for people temporarily out of work. In that sense it’s like gambling. I’m not sure why the intake lady told us yesterday that they’ll sit out there for up to 30 years. I don’t understand her cavalier attitude about leaving debt out there just hanging around. Maybe that’s something I suffer from in addition to an aversion to gambling…an aversion to debt. I would much rather not get daily phone calls I have to avoid.

I like knowing if my phone rings, I can just answer it. It’s been that way for years and I would like it to stay that way. Avoiding people, like, actively is something that makes me a little sick to my stomach. I can’t do it.

There is also an article on what to do if you can’t pay your credit cards over here.

My Goal

Since I’m not going to listen to the advice I was given (I’m such a rebel) I can tell you that after the credit cards, my number one goal is to pay off the car. We still owe about 12k on her and I’m pretty sure next year’s tax return will come at just the right time to make sure that’s out latest date for paying it off.

So there are programs out there where you could pay a smaller payment, get a lower interest rate, and even close the card while you are at it. I do hate credit card debt but until I have an emergency fund that is 3-6 months of expenses I just can’t conceive of cutting them up.

Oh, I should put together a net worth statement thing for y’all so there is a reference point. I hate to think that dropping a car debt total here and a credit card payment amount there is all you’re getting. I mean, I’m sure not everyone wants to see the whole thing in chart form, but hey, let’s be honest…I would. I always want to see what someone is doing with their money if they’re writing about it.

I’m horribly intrusive like that, though. You are probably far classier. I salute you.