So I tell people that my first daughter took away eggs, my second daughter took away milk, and my third daughter took away cottage cheese and, um, something else but I forget right now.
I usually get the response that post pregnancy I’m lactose intolerant, but please let me show you the ice cream, the yogurt, and the whipped cream I’ve had since not being pregnant anymore. Really, it’s not lactose, unless there’s a level thing where cottage cheese has an unholy amount of lactose and eggs developed lactose as well.
Last night, I was over at a friend’s house doing some work and she wanted Chinese food. I was all ok, I’ll share your appetizer and score me some egg drop soup. Neither of us flinched, I put my head back down into my computer and kept working.
The egg drop soup tasted great. Then, about ten minutes pass and my tummy starts to feel a little hurty. I rub my tummy and try to relax, figuring this must be just some weird stress thing and try to ignore it. Pretty soon I’m laying flat out on my friend’s floor trying to stretch my tummy by stretching my body, then flipping over onto my stomach, then sitting up, then sitting on my knees, then sitting on my knees on the couch trying to hang over the arm of the couch to put pressure on my stomach.
Then I had an overwhelming need for my bed, so I drove home.
Pain can help you stay surprisingly focused on the expressway. I do not recommend anyone actually drive while IN pain, of course. Yeah, don’t do that. <– clear disclaimer
I get home, writhe around on my bed, the couch, stand up, make hubby rub my back and finally, finally he made me drink some Pepto. Even though I tried to refuse because “this wasn’t that kind of stomachache” – well, it wasn’t. All the Pepto did was make me puke.
But the puking was the beginning of the solution to the problem.
The pain went from a 9 to a 6. Tolerable. Cope-able. Better than before. All the things you need for your body to ignore the pain and let you sleep it off.
When I woke up this morning my upper back and stomach ached from the spasms the night before. Not just the throwing up, either. My stomach and upper back hurt so bad the night before. There was muscle cramping. In my back. It was so weird.
So now I ache really bad and had trouble getting out of bed because none of the muscles in my ribcage want to work. Which means *drum roll please* I didn’t get to take my daughter to Kindergarten Orientation and Bus Orientation today. I feel like a slimeball. I finally would have had a chance to meet the Kindergarten teacher and be all, “Hey there, it’s me, let’s be besties!” Ok, I wouldn’t have been THAT creepy, but you know what I mean.
Today was my day to feel different. To be different about Kindergarten. To know what it feels like to start a year being the me I am right now. The one everyone likes. The one that gets along with everybody. The one that has a bright and sparkling gem of a daughter about to go to classes there.
I want to walk into that school relaxed and confident that I’m a rock star, my daughter is a rock star and the school year is going to be fabulous for both of us.
Instead she’s at school with her father, I’m home with a stomachache and backache – and it’s all my fault because I know how I react to eggs and it never even dawned on me that egg drop soup, you know, might be a problem. Because I forgot I had dietary restrictions.
How does that even happen?