Do you worry like I do?
I thought when I was young worry was a feeling. Like, “I feel worried” and I was either worried about something happening or not happening or just worried in general. I thought the way to deal with the worry was planning. If I had a plan for every possible outcome then I don’t have to worry because I have a plan.
As a kid, that was pretty helpful because kid sized problems have limited numbers of solutions and I went to sleep at night knowing I was covered.
Now? I have plans upon plans upon plans. I’m like an evil genius with all these post it notes strewn about my desk, on my monitor, stuck to my computer tower, and even on the walls. (I use a tiny piece of tape to keep them on the wall because my walls are slightly textured.) It feels like I’m constantly scribbling something on a post it so I don’t forget.
It’s a rare thing for me to forget. The system might be a bit loony and it might be weird and it might look like a post it factory threw up on my desk area but it WORKS.
The feeling didn’t go away, though. I still worry there is something I haven’t thought of. A scenario I’m not prepared for. I scan my post it notes and make sure all the scenarios are covered. I mean, I allow myself the luxury of not planning for natural disasters. I mean, you can’t plan for every-everything now, can you? Just all the things up to (but not including) acts of God. If it’s good enough for my insurance policy, it’s good enough for me.
Also, if you ever find yourself saying that you may need to rethink your priorities. Insurance is not a good way to gauge anything you’re doing with your life.
I meandered again, didn’t I? I could seriously talk about my post it notes all day long because I love them and they comfort me like a kid with a teddy bear. No lie. Okay, so I was worrying about a lot of stuff all the time and making decisions for things that hadn’t even happened yet and decision fatigue would set in right around the time I would think of introducing a caloric deficit (however small) or increasing activity (however little) and those would just get swept under the rug of “not now” choices I was not prepared to deal with because I knew they weren’t one-shot deal decisions but choices I would have to be consistent about. So I maintained.
Fast forward to this year and for the last five weeks I’ve been taking a weight lifting/cardio class. I made it to 3 of the 5 classes at my local Y. I missed one because I had to take the kids to softball practice and I missed the other one because I had to take my youngest to her kindergarten kick-off. I felt great every time I *did* go, though, and it didn’t feel overwhelming or scary or like the world was going to fall apart while I was away from home. I learned that I really enjoy lifting weights and doing cardio before and after weights was a great way to warm up and cool down.
I felt absolutely over the moon victorious finishing a five week class.
That first weight class? It was like the first time I just wrote down all my bills. It was pretty good, I missed a couple things, but it was a start. I felt good afterward. Three out of five classes was a good start. I looked over the problem areas (missing classes) and realized that the misses had nothing to do with my desire to go but other obligations.
The fix? Classes that didn’t conflict with kid stuff. More classes in case I have to miss one due to a kid issue. One class a week means if you miss a class you miss the week. That’s not good.
This is exactly how I think through my finances.
What worked? Keep it! What didn’t work? Fix it. Less judgement and more improvement.
Judgement is the killer of improvement because judgement says, “To hell with all of it I’ll never be good enough so why bother. Improvement says, “How about two days a week since one didn’t feel overwhelming?”
I think this pattern of micro- improvements™ is so ingrained from applying it to finances all these years applying it to fitness has a decent chance of working. If it doesn’t, we’ll fix what doesn’t work.
One thing at a time or everything falls apart is my fitness motto.
April 20th – May 23
- Monday: 5:30pm Cardio Kickboxing
- Tuesday: 9:30am Cardio Mix
- Wednesday: 9:30am Total Toning
- Thursday: 9:30am Cardio Mix & 5:30pm Total Toning
- Friday: 10:30am Women on Weights
Since I’m a member of the Y (Thank goodness for the reduced-fee membership!!!) these classes are included in my membership (except the weights class – that was $5). Childcare is available from 9-Noon and is free. There is no reason not to get an hour of activity a day in.
I tend to do better with the structure of classes and having a specific time to be at a place with a teacher and other people. Maybe, eventually, I will be able to just “go to the gym” like people do but I’m not there yet. I’m fine with not being there yet. I’m tired of throwing a dart at a mental dartboard and choosing a place where I “should” be or what I “should” be doing.
It’s self-care. Something just for me that will make me feel good.
If it turns out that I can actually apply all this consistency with the budget to OTHER THINGS? You guys. You guys…for real you guys….I don’t know exactly what that means but it feels like a secret to the universe or something. If it works. Let’s not get cocky now. (*whispers* I’m totally being a little cocky but only to myself in a really quiet way…)