I have a few drafts written.
One is about how throwing out all the food in my pantry – all the things I cook with from the room I spend the most time in – caused a loss of identity that made me feel completely lost in and worthless.
There is another one that’s about the bare minimums a person who likes to bake and cook needs to buy in order to have a functional kitchen.
I wish there were more half-written drafts so I could feel like I was about to be terribly productive. Unfortunately there was a lot of research into hosting and when I have the hundred dollars to spare I’m going to drop it on three months of hosting from WHGeeks. As long as I can figure out which database in my current backend is the one for this blog.
Then the second car that was loaned to us by a very, very kind friend needed to be returned. This creates a problem where I’m not going to be able to get my kids home from activities and I might have to pull them from after school activities. Again. That’s right, we did this to them last year when our second car we purchased from a family member broke down completely. I pulled them from Girls on the Run and Spanish Club. This year I might have to pull them from Choir and Chess Club.
It will break my heart if I can’t take these poor kids to free activities after school. I have considered walking but the viaduct in between my house and the school scares me deeply because it’s pretty unsafe. Plus I can’t figure out how to get a child and a preschooler three miles to pick up a third. It would involve buying bikes, teaching them to ride the bikes, and then safely getting them under a viaduct with low visibility.
So Mr. Brickie has been scouring Craigslist for the last days looking for cars in the $500 price range (It’s what we can come up with on our own, I know it’s not a good number but it’s what we have available) and going to check them out. So far we’ve said no to a broken frame, a missing motor that wasn’t mentioned in the ad, a leaking transmission, and a car that had to be towed home. He has one more to check out in about fifteen minutes. I’m hoping it will go well but I fear it won’t because it’s Craigslist.
It’s a mess.
Today I decided to open a piece of junk mail from a lawyer. Dumb idea, for sure. I figured it might have some publicly available information about the auction date for the house that I did not have access to. It did have a date, but one I could not confirm anywhere else. The date is 10/13/14, so right around the corner and completely panic inducing. I dove right into those panic feelings and kind of wallowed in them for a while. Wondering how fast I would have to pack up my things, where I would store them, where I would stay, where I would get first and last month’s rent. So many questions swirling in my mind. Okay, maybe not swirling so much as slicing and cutting and poking and stabbing. It was much less gentle than poking.
I’m really scared.
Mr. Brickie left a message with the Cook County Sheriff’s office to verify the information. I’m sure this is one of those stories where if I heard that it happened to someone else (10 or so years ago when I was less understanding of bad decisions) I might have judged the person. People who listen to junk mail are stupid, right?
The thing is, when you’re desperate for information and you’re searching for the light of knowledge anywhere sometimes you’re going to find an oncoming train where you think you see a bright beacon of hope. You are going to read something and be completely torn on whether it’s true or not but no one is immune from seriously considering acting on the information.
I’m not going to call the shifty lawyer sending me the fear-mail, but I’m going to use the date as a potential timeline.
Mr. Brickie’s last job ended last Wednesday and he is supposed to be hearing from a guy today about starting tomorrow but so far he’s called the guy once on Friday, once on Saturday, and twice today and hasn’t gotten a firm answer and has mostly gotten voicemail. It’s not looking good for him going to work tomorrow.
On the bright side Little Sister’s birthday party was a hit and everyone had a lot of fun. We went apple picking on Sunday and the girls were well-behaved, happy, and had a wonderful time. I’m so proud of my girls. They are bright and loving and caring. I might have been a good mommy blogger if I felt their stories were mine to tell.
I’m going to go watch a movie with them and try to distract myself long enough that the nausea goes away. Even if I get some relief for a little bit that will be a start.