Yesterday my Facebook friend Francine (who I am honored to be FB friends with) sold out of her cookbook Blue Ribbon Baking from a Redneck Kitchen on QVC in 8 minutes.
I cried when I heard her wonderful news.
Francine is an inspiration to me. She always wanted a cookbook and she worked so very hard to get where she is and she went on The American Baking Competition and I was so sad when she came in 2nd place, but she took that 2nd place and made it into a victory.
I think she’s wonderful.
Through tears last night I pointed at my monitor and sniffled and asked, “I wish I had a goal like that because achieving it must feel amazing.”
In a rare moment of “who are you and what have you done with my husband” he looked me dead in the eyes and asked, “What did you want more than anything else as a kid?”
“I wanted to be married. I wanted my own family.”
He smiled at me in that know-it-all way that he thinks makes him look like a serene monk but generally just makes me want to smack him and said, “Maybe you really don’t have NO goal, maybe you just already achieved it.”
All I could say was, “Oh.”
Now, I don’t take my family for granted. I feel joy every day not only for those who live under my roof but those family members who let me into their hearts beyond my roof. I am thankful for days like yesterday where we go blueberry picking as a family and then sit in the shade and relax in the field for a little bit just enjoying each other’s company. I am thankful for friends who give me the opportunity to take my girls to the beach in Michigan on a weekday so the crowd isn’t painful and overwhelming.
Sure, we’re going to have to move in probably less than a year. I don’t know if we are going to rent an apartment or a house and I’m only 90% sure I even know the town we’re going to end up in (because things happen and we’re going to be somewhat at the mercy of the court system) and I have no idea how much the foreclosure is going to destroy our credit. I feel like I’m playing a very dangerous game of beat the clock when it comes to my husband working and saving and paying down debt and being able to afford food now that we make too much money for SNAP benefits but make less than we used to make when we qualified plus the amount of the benefits.
There is a lot of uncertainty in my day to day life.
The things I can rely on, however, are:
- Good morning hugs.
- Being told, “I love you.”
- Someone smiling at me as if I were the only person in the world.
- My husband lighting up when he walks in the house after work and sees me.
- Dinner at the kitchen table together.
I have a family that loves me. Both related and unrelated. I have the things that money can’t buy and I worked (and continue to work) very hard for those things. Sure, they don’t reward me with a paycheck and I don’t ever get to punch out and go home after a hard day…but who cares?
Instead of constantly wondering what my passion is and thinking “I should have a goal.” I am going to focus more on appreciating the goal I have already met. Someday I might have a new goal but my passion for my family – my people – will always be a primary focus. Without them, everything else is hollow.
There is nothing wrong with different people having different goals. I support my online friends in all their goals and I know that other people have the same goal as mine with other goals in addition. Maybe I’ll get there someday, but I don’t want to strive for something I can’t see when I can pour my love and effort out right here where it’s needed most right now.
On a totally unrelated sidenote: The town’s building inspector truck just pulled up in front of my house and stopped. I have no idea why. Every few days I see a truck from either public works or the building inspector’s office stop in front of my house for a couple minutes. I have no idea what they’re interested in but I haven’t gotten a letter yet. It is a little off-putting though because for the next few days I’m going to be nervous when I check my mail. I mean, I never see them stop in front of anyone else’s house on my block. Weird.