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I am supposed to be doing the Come Play In May blog post challenge but I wasn’t inspired by any of the topics. Then I realized I just wasn’t feeling inspired at all. I’m not sad or depressed, I’m just tired. It’s like the connections in my brain won’t work right because I’m using everything I’ve got just to stay relaxed and be okay with everything in the moment.
Being poor, even if you’re sure – like I am – that it is only temporary, is a marathon. It’s long and it hurts and sometimes it takes everything in you to just take the next few steps. Right now I’m walking for a bit until I can catch my breath and get my speed back up.
Nothing new from Chancery Court and nothing new on any other fronts either. Mr. Brickie is keeping up the hustle and all I can say is he deserves to relax this weekend. The only bills not caught up (yet) are the gas and electric but they aren’t late yet, either.
It’s a tightrope and I am just having trouble finding a way to be eloquent about one aspect that moves the blog forward. I don’t want to repeat myself, say the same things over, or just pine longingly for Indiana where someone told me on Sunday – someone I had met for the first time a couple hours before…
“I really like you.”
I replied, “I really like you, too. I thought I was the only one who told people straight out I liked them!”
Her reply? “You live in the wrong place, girlie! People out there are too cool for that kind of thing. Here when people like someone they make sure to tell ‘em. How else will they know you want to hang out sometime?”
Well damn. I can’t argue with that logic.
Maybe I’m just recovering from the emotional shock of realizing, yet again, a therapist cannot do anything for me I could not do for myself with the help of YouTube, self-help books, and the Internet. I fired her. Well, actually, I lied and said I’d reschedule because she told me I had to stop being negative and that was the only thing I had to say to her that wasn’t 100% negative.
That’s progress, right?
So I’m mostly just bummed because I was hoping this therapist could help me get rid of the anxiety disorder I can’t seem to shake. I’m fine. Then suddenly I can’t breathe and my heart goes crazy. (I went to the Urgent Care a couple weeks ago for the crazy-heart and it’s just anxiety. They did many tests and my heart is lovely and doing its job just fine.) It’s annoying and I would like for it to stop. Maybe I’ll try some self-hypnosis. Lucky for me they have that on YouTube.
I just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn’t going away for good. Or even for a long time. Just until I am able to be interesting again. Or have something to say that’s at least a little different from what I’ve been saying.
Of course, now that I’ve posted I’m not writing I’ll probably have some epiphany I’m just sure is the best thing I’ve ever thought before. Here’s hoping!
I found the post image on the Matching Outfits Facebook page. It’s a wonderful page that helps people. I like that. I don’t know the original source but I blame whoever made it because I can’t really read the watermark (if that’s what it is) in the lower right hand corner.