To be honest I wasn’t shopping to buy, I was shopping to try.
After my jeans I’ve had forever went from not buttoning – even if I was laying on the bed with my stomach sucked in – to having a problem with them falling off my butt, I realized I was not going to be able to rock my wardrobe until i was done with this whole fitness/health/whatever journey.
The first thing I did was go to goodwill (because who pays full price for transition clothes?) and pick up a pair of size 20W jeans from Jones New York. I don’t know what store that brand comes from, I’d never heard of it before. Also, I don’t really care because they fit. Sort of. They’re loose and kind of baggy around the butt and that’s not really how I like to wear jeans but they still fit better than the pants I don’t have to unbutton to pull down so I was like, “Oh hey my cousin wanna go try on some pants?” Because I’m thinking that maybe if a 20 is too big I can hit Lane Bryant, pick up an 18/20 and then maybe actually have a pair of jeans that fits.
That’s a little misleading. I mean, “Find a pair of jeans at Lane Bryant and then immediately come home and buy them on ebay or craigslist because I’m not paying a bajillion dollars for a pair of jeans I’m trying to buy to transition through a size.”
Of course, it didn’t matter at all because Lane Bryant doesn’t do that / b.s. anymore with sizes. It’s either 18 or 20. No slashes to be found anywhere in the store as far as I could see.
Feeling brave, I grabbed a pair of size 18 in every style they had. Unfortunately, I forgot to get a picture of the ones that fit, which also happened to be skinny jeans. I don’t care if that’s the name of a style, putting on skinny jeans at a lane bryant opens a hole in the space-time continuum somewhere. Paradoxes are not okay. There should be a law. Also, I know I can’t spell continuum but I’m in IE and there’s no spell check and Firefox stinks since the last update so here I am suffering with a misspelled word. Please, come tell me which ones are misspelled on Facebook. It’s super-fun.
The other pair that fit besides the skinny jeans were the capri pants.
That’s me, in a dressing room wearing the ever-stylish huge hoodie that makes me look even bigger than I really am and being wedged camel-toe style into a pair of jeans that I was able to button and zip, but that would not be appropriate to actually, you know, wear out in public.
I’m okay with that. I mean, you have to be able to get them on before you can get to the next step – the wearing them comfortably in public without trying to show how deep your love is if you know what I mean. Because no one wants to see my uterus when I wear jeans. At least, I hope not. If you do, don’t tell me. It would totally freak me out and then things would be awkward between us – I respect you too much for that.
What I should do is go on ebay and find an old school pair of 18/20 jeans and buy those.
Also, I should not take pictures with that hoodie zipped anymore. Why? Because it’s unattractive? I’m just thinking out loud here, but maybe I should consider it awesome to put up unattractive pictures of myself on the internet, I mean, who am I trying to impress? Or attract?
That’s right. No one. (Well, my husband I guess, but he doesn’t read this blog so that’s pretty much not an issue.)
So enjoy my sock pictures with my hair all messy and my kangaroo pouch hoodie! I’m in a pair of size 18s and that’s a great milestone on my journey to…uh…I really need to have a final goal in mind.
I’ll try to have one before the new pope is elected. Not because I’m Catholic, but because it seems far enough away it will buy me some time but close enough to actually make a goal before I forget and there’s a lot of media coverage to remind me to make a final goal.