The very first prompt from Kick in the Blog is…
Who Believes In You? (and by ‘you’ they mean me unless you’re blogging it and then they totally mean ‘you you’)
While there are some “gimme” answers to this one (husband, kids, friends, etc.) I have very recently come to a crossroads in my life where the most amazing thing happened that allows me to answer this question in a very, very different way than I would have been able to even six months ago.
I believe in me.
Used to be I was the gal who was always, “Oh, yeah, I did the cool thing…but it was only because (insert some lame reason here why it was less cool)” I would downplay my achievements, I would brush off my success, and I would try not to shine too bright for fear of putting someone else in a shadow.
I used to go to a chess club at a bookstore and play with kids and let them beat me. I wouldn’t even try. Their parents would be standing by the board and they’d be critiquing and putting all this pressure on the kid and I’d be thinking, “If I win, this kid is going to get crapped on all the way home for losing.”
I just didn’t need it as badly as he did. I didn’t need to win to be…I don’t know…something….proud, secure, happy. If someone needs something – in my opinion – more than I do I figure they can have it.
But now I’m starting to think that maybe the whole “It’s an AND world, not an OR world” should apply to winning, too. For someone else to win, I don’t have to lose. I can win, too. (You know, because it’s an AND world.)
Right now I’m six points away from a full law school scholarship. I have until December to take the test and win that scholarship.
I don’t care that it’s a standardized test and that there is a curve and there are people in that class who feel they need it more than I do.
I don’t care. I am going to win.
That’s why I’m hedging my bets and taking the test a year and a half before I would actually start school. I’ll get three chances to take the test.
But I plan on winning the very. first. time. By any means (other than cheating, duh) necessary.
So if you talk to me in the next few months, expect me to be talking about logic games, arguments, and reading comprehension…because I’m going to eat it, breathe it, and sleep it (along with my regular fall classes) in order to get the best score I’m capable of…and then using that to leverage my way into some free education. Why?
Because I believe in me 🙂