There is SO much stuff I have to do before December.
Still don’t know what’s going on with Thanksgiving – I wish I could just skip the holidays this year. Go to Disney or someplace completely weird and off-the-wall (for us – for you Disney people that would be normal and cool) to celebrate the holiday so I don’t have to think about death and loss and no one to tell me the family stuffing needs JUST A LITTLE MORE poultry seasoning five HUNDRED times until your mouth can’t taste it anymore.
Now it’s officially not just my family stuffing recipe, it’s the one that’s been handed down for generations. Because they aren’t there to point to and say, “It’s her recipe.” anymore.
I want to give my kids a beautiful holiday season. I want to find a way to celebrate and remember my grandmothers without ruining the holidays by being a huge-ass bucket of sad mommy. I want to be here, at home, where I feel safe and have my house be filled with the familiar aroma of turkey cooking and stuffing being made.
And stuffing being cooked in the bird. You have a problem with that? Use a better internal thermometer. I’m not ruining a tradition because somebody else gave their family salmonella or e-coli or some other “the stuffing wasn’t brought to the correct temperature” virus. I will happily risk my life yearly in order to eat stuffing from inside of the body cavity of a dead bird. Holla.
The wind down of my college classes is barreling down. Two classes can be done and over with December 3rd, and my goal is to make exactly that happen. Then I can just show up for the in-person classes and rock my final exams and be done for the semester.
I didn’t have any fancy folders, no new backpack, no cool spiral notebooks this year. I used a manila folder for every class and the backpack we’ve had since S was a baby five years ago. I used pencils and pens from around the house and my iPhone calculator (thank you graphing calculator app!) to get everything done.
Even without the super-cool accouterments available to students I managed to perform at a level I can be satisfied with. My late paper (late because there was some communication confusion on both our parts) is going to be accepted and not penalized, so I may just keep my A in that class after all.
Everything is going to wrap up nicely this year, it seems.
Other than my grandmothers both being gone. If I can just navigate around the edges of that hole in my heart, it might be an absolutely beautiful holiday season filled with satisfaction, knowledge of (many) jobs well done that have kept our bills paid, and the love that we have for each other as a family. Because lemme tell ya…Team Family is rocking so hard we broke the amps.
Yes, they were turned up to 11. How did you know?