This morning started at 5am.

So it feels like mid afternoon and we haven’t even hit noon yet.

I just want to crawl back under my covers and go to sleep but I have these little people I have to take care of and be all responsible for. Clever Girls Collective had this great “two bottles for ten dollars” wine deal and I snatched it up because…well if you need me to explain it you might just want to skip to the next paragraph, really. But I’m just hoping that today will find the universe has taken pity on me and my inability to get my kids to school today and that wine will just appear – through the magic of UPS Ground – at my front door. (I’m not sure if the deal is still going on, but if it is, I’d snatch it up. You have to pay shipping but it’s still good cheap wine delivered to your DOOR. Total win.)

My weight today is 303.6 – (down 1.2lbs from last week) but I’m SO peeved because my weight was taken after already eating breakfast and a snack and being fully dressed. I usually weigh myself not fully clothed and before eating. So who knows what the actual number is. I’m not going to weigh my pants, bra, and food to find out.

Speaking of crazy.

Has anyone started watching that awful train-wreck of a show about eating disorders What’s Eating You? I mean, it’s kind of on the same Intervention, Obsession track where you get introduced to someone, you’re shown all their dirty little secrets and the skeletons in the far reaches of their closets – then they show them playing with food and/or puking depending on the disorder – and then there’s a ten-week montage and you get the final update in white text on a black background to let you know where they are right before the show airs.

And we wonder why patience is at such a premium. Ten weeks in an hour. I’m surprised we don’t all think people can just change overnight.

But I alternate between being horrified and thinking of it as a “tips and tricks to successful weight loss” show. When I feel horrified I hate myself just a little because I should be watching something uplifting or reading a book or saving lives…but then if I mentally slip into “tips and tricks” mode, I hate myself just a little because really I shouldn’t be doing that and my 1-2lbs a week is just fine thankyouverymuch and really I’m not going to follow in the footsteps of someone with arms that look like a praying mantis anyway. But sometimes, sometimes…. yeah. Just sometimes.

Plus, if I stopped eating except for a cracker and a sliver of celery every day I’d lose weight really fast and then look like one of those hangy-skin dogs and until I have about 6k for plastic surgery I’m not doing anything that will cause me to look like a sharpei. Is that how it’s spelled? I mean, if I lost 100lbs in a year I’d look like a flying squirrel when I raised my arms up.

Very handy if I lived in a tree – or slept in one – but I’m evolved and sleep in a bed and walk on the ground.

Did I exercise this week? Yes. Did I eat healthy this week? Yes.

Do I have any idea how to correlate what I eat with  my weight? NO. I haven’t found any rules that consistently apply to my body. Foods my body retains more easily, weight gain after eating X, Y, or Z. Nothing works for more than a few days and then it all goes haywire again. From three servings of dairy to my dietary plan from being a Mamavation Mom to making sure not to eat after 6pm to drinking a big glass of water (32oz) before each meal. Plus some others I can’t remember off the top of my head right now.

It’s taking TOO MUCH of my time and I truly have better things to worry about. So I’m just going to do how I do and track it and keep eating the healthy food in my house and do portions and leave the rest of it alone. What that means is I’m going back to the original nutrition plan that worked great but I felt wasn’t good enough because it only produced those 1-2lb. weekly results.

Whatever. I’ll get there eventually. It’s going in the right direction. I don’t mind the weighing, I don’t mind the eating, I don’t mind the portions, I don’t mind the exercise. I just don’t want to think about it beyond those basic parameters. I want to concentrate on getting my 4.0 that I want. I have less than 8 weeks to make it happen. We’re on the other side of the middle and it’s all downhill. I have to make this all count so I can transfer – maybe even into the Honors College program. It’s possible right now. That’s what I want to focus my energy on.

I’m having my surgery on Nov 4th, so I’ll be taking a week off after that from weighing or anything because I have to, you know, heal from major abdominal surgery and stuff. I’ll still be here next Monday, it’s the Monday after I’ll be totes MIA.

1 Comment on #Mamavation Monday: Can I get a Do Over please?

  1. good luck with your surgery! Also, you’re doing great. Sounds like you have the right plan in mind. It’s really easy to obsess about HOW TO MAKE IT BETTER, and since I’m frequently guilty of it myself I’m not going to tell you to stop, but sometimes a good plan is just plain good enough. 🙂 Keep up the good work.

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