I used to glance over at the calendar bar on the side of gmail and not really process what I was seeing. Reminders for weekly chat room sessions and the occasional doctor’s appointment.

But now there are playdates, doctor appointments, local events, school information, birthdays, meetings with friends, etc. It doesn’t sound like a lot but now I have to be there at my gram’s doctor appointments (well I don’t HAVE to be but it makes her happy) my kids will be going to school every day, I have to keep up some form of social life (I refuse to give it up) and soon there will be conference calls and meetings to attend for multiple companies as well as homework due dates and important other school information going on there.

I am about to have the most scheduled life around. Because there is no way I’m powering through this next year with chaos as my co-pilot.

I have always dreamed of having an organized life. A house where everything has its place (and is IN that place) – where the children always pick up after themselves and every holiday was a reason to cloak the house in holiday stuff that would  be neatly put away at the end of each season. Note: We do have holiday stuff. It’s in the attic in tupperware containers and it is neatly put away. We never seem to have the time to get it out and actually decorate with it!

So here I am at what seems like a crossroads. I know I’m done having children, even if my heart stridently disagrees with me even as I type this. Once the youngest is done there will be no more sleepless nights (except the odd nightmare or thunderstorm or sickness) there will be no more crawling and pulling everything off of tables and couches and chairs. There will be no more puddles of pee on the floor because we have to let the baby “air out” to get rid of her rash. No more potty training, no more waiting for someone to talk instead of screaming and wildly flailing to tell me what they want. The crossroads of having a grown-up life and being forever past stage ONE of mommy life. I look at my older girls and wish, with all my heart, my 10 month old was already four. Already in school, already learning and having conversations with me that don’t involve me doing all the talking.

I enjoy my preschooler and my kindergartner more than you could possibly imagine. I enjoy them more every day as their verbal skills improve. My heart sometimes skips a beat when I see them run down the block because they are so beautiful. I want to cry when my four-year-old walks into the room I’m in and, for no reason, says, “Mommy. 9 plus 9 is 18. I just wanted you to know that.”

Yes, baby, I want to know that, too.

So I want to be a super-organized super-fabulous mommy that gives my kids everything they need while keeping the calendar tamed and make sure we don’t over-schedule and miss all the fun along the way.

Because the fun is what makes all this other crap worthwhile.