I’m going off the rails with this post.
After fifteen years you get into patterns in relationships. The big pattern Mr. Brickie and I have is he does things and I plan things.
When we would argue we would always go back to him telling me I couldn’t get things done without him and I’d tell him he couldn’t plan his way out of a paper bag without me.
We don’t have good arguments because we are pretty happy with one another so we basically get snippy and state facts. It’s actually great we are both able to use our natural personal strengths within our marriage to get things done. He trusts my plans and I trust he’ll get things done efficiently.
But when you’re annoyed and arguing even lovely, practical things get twisted around.
So, when he went to the east coast for two weeks and everything was on me I honestly wondered how I’d handle it. I know he wondered.
I did great. I shopped, cooked, cleaned, got the kids where they needed to go. We got through Halloween, early SATs for two of the kids, and all the other days. We got the trash out and the house was just a little less messy than it was when he left.
Meanwhile, he planned a day in Annapolis, got Ubers to and from his destination, he found a tour to go on, and had a blast. He went to training every day and wasn’t late once. He did his laundry and he planned everything so he wasn’t wearing dirty clothes and wasn’t late for the tour.
We were both just fine on our own.
He expressed a bit of frustration that every time we talked I was so excited about how great we were doing without him. I told him it was because I have always told him I’m not with him because I need him, I’m with him because he’s my favorite person… and always will be. He’s my first choice in the morning and my last choice at night. He isn’t some guy the rest of us are all putting up with because he takes out the trash and we don’t want to.
He’s not the default. He’s the preference.
Once he saw my perspective, he was much happier and I think it put a lot in perspective for him because I didn’t realize that bragging on how well we were doing would come across as a negative.
I never want him to forget I love him for who he is. We all love him for who he is. He’s a great human being and the fact he wants to come home to me?
That is a gift I will never tire of.